


The UmbraHat

by LozFanXV



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Alternate Universe - Tres Horny Girls, Multi, Role Reversal, Taako is in a hat, Tazswap, lot's of swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-01-03 21:52:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12155517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LozFanXV/pseuds/LozFanXV
Summary: It wasn't Lup who left that night from the Starblaster.Yet one twin still forgets, and the other is still imprisoned.Or better yet, Taako feels like ripping his hair out sometimes for how reckless Lup is being. Like, how is he supposed to help her when she just steals money from a bank?





	1. Prologue

He hasn't moved from the table yet, their conversation still replaying in his head. Taako knows that Lup is the more, well, sensitive of the two. Her relic causing this much damage was tearing her apart inside. Kravitz has told him to just leave her to herself to figure it out. Taako wants to do just that, go into his room (Where he knows Kravitz is sleeping), yet he can't let go of the feeling that Lup is planning on something, her thank you speech only making that feeling grow. But what can he do, it's not like he can just go and... or can he? Yeah, it shouldn't be too hard, just find that stupid gauntlet and hide it in some cave or throw it out into the ocean for the fish. Then he can come back and let the others know why he was gone for a few days. Lup gets some peace of mind, and Taako can cash in on being a good brother. He can do this.

He checks his outfit first just to see if it's good for long travel. Loose blouse, check. Flowing skirt he may or may not have stole from Lup, check. Some amazing leather boots, check. Wand, check. And the big one of them all, his Umbrahat, definite check. Taako's throwing on his red robe when he realizes he should probably leave a note letting the others know that he's going to be okay, don't want them thinking he got kidnapped. Writing a quick three worded letter, Taako hurries out of the Starblaster. 

  


_Be Right Back -T_

  


\---------------------------------------------------------------

  


He finds the gauntlet at a battle. He only has to watch it for a few minutes until the battle is over, Taako sighs at the sight of the large circle of black glass. He finds the stupid gauntlet being held up by a charred hand. Because, of course it would make sure to at least make a pedestal for itself. "Okay, you need to have a new home, preferably one where normal people can't find it." He said. Taako swears he can feel the thing vibrate in annoyance.

  


\---------------------------------------------------------------

  


Leading him through Wave Echo Cave is a dwarf named Cyrus Rockseeker, who Taako would pester and annoy to try to ease the tension in the room, but he’s pretty sure everybody on the Starblaster is freaking out now, and he should probably hurry. When they finally reach the vault, he’s about done with this cave. As he watches the vault opening, Taako hears the sound of a dagger being pulled, he quickly turns around and kicks away from the dwarf, barely missing the dagger, but Cyrus has the gauntlet in his hands, and is trying to leave the cave. 

  


"Oh no you don't, buckaroo!" Taako said. Cyrus turns around as if surprised, and gets grabbed by a mage hand before being thrown in the vault. Taako sees him put on the gauntlet, and reacts quickly. He runs up, and closes the vault, feeling the scorching flames barely licking him. After waiting for the flames die down, he gets off of the vault door. Pumping his hands in the air, Taako has to cheer, because he did it, now all he has to do is go back and- a harsh and quick pain in his stomach has Taako double down in pain. He looks down to see blood pooling out of a wound in his stomach, black pumping into his veins.

  


'He didn't miss.' He brain oh so helpfully supplies. Assessing his situation, Taako can know tell that the dagger was also poisoned, considering the now blackening veins and the way his heart is beating way too erratically, not helping to stop the poison from spreading. He has to get to a wall, or something. So Taako walks, grimacing with every step, yet can't reach it before he collapses onto the floor, his back to the wall, so he at least got that right.

  


‘Crap, Kravitz, Lup... I’m sorry.’ Is his last thought as Taako’s breathing ends. Out from his body comes his lich form. Well, fuck, this is going to be hard to explain to the others. Taako is so deep in his thoughts, he almost misses the way his hat is moving, and that’s when he realizes it.

  


\---------------------------------------------------------------

  


__

He calls for another wizard duel with Lup, and of course she agrees. She's been carrying around that umbrella everywhere, teasing him about how his krebstar couldn't compare. Well, fight fire with fire as some wise guy once said it. And what better than he wizard hat. So he comes out with just his hat, she smirks upon seeing that, probably thinking that this'll be easy. He cannot hide his smile, and doesn't move as she fires a magic missile at him, only raising his arm as it approaches. Everyone watches as his hat rolls down his arm, and then absorbs the missile, then sends it back to Lup.

  


"Taako, what the hell?" She said. He smiles, placing the hat right back onto his head with a flourish.

  


"What, you'd think I was going to let you have the only magical accessory? I call it the Umbrahat, after your umbrella of course. It does the same things as your staff, yet is a bazillion times better because I can just wear it on my head and not have to carry it everywhere." Taako said.

  


Lup only smiles, "And you claimed my Umbrastaff made _me_ look like a clown?" She said. He gives her a very mature response.

  


\---------------------------------------------------------------

  


But he remembers, it absorbs magical energy of fallen wizards, Taako’s lich form is energy from him, a fallen wizard. He tries to flee, but of course Taako had to make that impossible. He claws at the ground but it’s hopeless. The last thing he sees is his body laying on the very dirty cave floor.

  


Taako is falling, black curtains surround him as he finally lands on the floor. Looking around, Taako doesn't see any doors, maybe one is hiding behind a curtain. So he checks, feeling because he can barely see in this room. Yet can't feel any exit. An emotion is trying to make itself known, yet Taako has no idea what it is, how should he feel? Maybe he should meditate on this, just lay on the floor in the middle of this room and soon he should figure something out.

  


As Taako meditates, he regains his senses one by one. He can feel his dead body turn to a skeleton under his hat, he can hear the few travelers react in horror upon seeing him, he can see the dark cave surrounding him. Yet, Taako never awakes.

  


Then, a decade later, he hears his sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: So I was always annoyed by this chapter, it just didn't feel right to me, so I decided to try and change it, and now I really love it. I'm sorry if you liked the last version, but I really hope you enjoy this way better.
> 
> Please leave me kudos and comments, I love receiving those. Have a nice day!


	2. Heck of a Day, Huh?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup finds Taako's hat, Taako tries to talk to his sister, but can't. The town of Phandalin is now a circle of black glass, and now the test of initiation, what a day, huh?

“Holy shit guys, check out this stupid fucking hat on this skeleton!” He hears Lup say. It’s almost like somebody dropped a bucket of ice water on him by how fast Taako wakes up. He works all his strength to see outside of his hat, he gasps when he sees her. Lup is staring at him, well his hat, with Hecuba and Julia right behind her.

  


“Lup, please don’t touch that thing, you don’t know, it could be cursed.” Julia said. Taako has to snort, of course Julia would be worried about some awesome things in a cave, that’s just like her. But he has to wonder why she wouldn’t… and then Hecuba touches his hat. 

  


“Nope, sorry Hec, but this hat is for us twins only.” He said, and with a flick of his wrist, she’s flown across the room. Looking back at Lup and Julia, his sister only seems more excited.

  


“Julia, it’s a hat that bitch slaps people across a room, now I hafta have it.” She said. And Taako cheers, running around the small room inside his hat, hoping not to run into the curtains, his hands in the air. That’s the Lup he knows. 

  


“Let me just make this clear. You just watched this hat fling Hecuba across the room and she takes damage, and your response is ‘my turn’.” Julia said.

  


“I live like I’m dying.” Is all Lup said to her back. And that just causes Taako to be even more excited. 

  


His excitement might have done something with his hat, because the second his sister touches his hat, sparks seem to fly out and wrap around her hands. Thankfully, Lup doesn’t get scared off, though this is Lup. She continues to hold it even after Taako’s skeleton hand grabs her wrist, he doesn’t know why it does that.

  


Finally, she holds it in her hands, Taako’s skeleton and amazing outfit disintegrate. He only has a second to feel upset about that before Lup speaks up.

  


“Well, I now have an ugly hat.” She said. Even after all this time, she still has to insult it.

  


As Lup talks to Hecuba, mostly to remind her that she’s a cleric, Taako is talking, well screaming so she can hear him, a mile a minute to his sister, some to ask questions and some to just tell her he’s there and okay. Once he realizes that she can’t see or hear him, he stops, his ears drooping and smile disappearing. He shakes his head, and once again plasters on a smile. Taako gets settled to meditate some more to get some power, he can still see and hear outside as he does it anyway. But before he does that, he says something for his sister (and maybe for him as well).

  


“Don’t worry, Lulu, your bro is here and going to stay. Literally since I don’t have a fucking choice and all that.” He said, she doesn't respond of course. And he meditates.

  


Finally, he’s getting out of this stupid cave.

  
\-----------------------------------------------------------  


Seeing the town of Phandalin turn to black glass makes Taako want to scream, but he’s done that for years and is sick of it, it didn’t help seeing Kravitz again only for him to be killed. His sister almost gave him a heart attack when she tried to run up and stop Gundren, thankfully Julia and Hecuba were there to pull her away. Lup takes off his hat and places it under her arm, she tries to look impassive, but Taako has seen that face for his entire life to know when she’s upset. Hecuba does the same thing. 

  


Julia doesn’t, she covers her mouth with her hands as tears start to prick her eyes. Taako waits for Lup to try and comfort her, but she doesn’t move. 

  


“Hey uh, Lup, crying Julia over here. You maybe want to stop it and all that.” He said. Of course, she doesn’t do anything. That makes him pause, Lup was always the twin to try and comfort people. ‘Maybe she’s just as upset.’ He rationalizes. 

  


Lup goes over to the gauntlet, with Taako watching her, ready to use a spell if she falls for the relic's thrall. He watches her stare at the gauntlet for a few seconds, before her face turns to anger.

  


“Shut up.” She said, stuffing the gauntlet into her bag. She turns around to see a surprised Killian staring.

  


“Well shit, now I have to bring you guys with me.” She said.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


Seeing Lucretia and Davenport again made him curious. Why are they still here, and not welcoming back Lup, Julia and Hecuba?

  


“What’s your name, hon?” Hecuba said. She gets a bracer put on her arm by Lucretia.

  


“I don’t have one.” Was Lucretia’s reply. That only makes a red flag for Taako, because of course Lucretia has a name, why isn’t Davenport correcting her. Wait, why does Davenport look so old?

  


His head is spinning as Davenport answers all the questions the three ask him. When he started talking about how some ‘foolish magic users’ created the relics, Taako growls anger. He just can’t hear anymore of Davenport’s lies.

  


He listens in for a second to hear about the test, snorting once he hears about it. It sounds easy enough, they got this.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


Okay, so they don’t exactly have this. Taako can actually feel Lup start panicking, and that’s when he decides to finally get involved. Using the power he saved up, the hat rolls off of Lup’s head into her arms to aim at an ogre. And with a point of his finger, a magic missile fires out of his hat and hits the ogre.

  


“Congratulations, you pass the test. Welcome to the Bureau of Balance.” Davenport’s voice rings out.

  


Taako watches Lup as she stares at his hat in amazement, flipping it around in her hands. The other two stare at it in amazement. “Well, I guess it likes you, Lup.” Julia said.

  


Taako chuckles, “Julia, you have no idea.” He said.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, can I just say that seeing all of your comments and kudos made me so happy. Like, this is the first story that I've ever received a comment on, holy crud!
> 
> So yeah, I borrow from the idea that Lup could watch the world outside if she put her mind to it, so Taako does that as well. (That, and doing it all in one setting would just bore me...)
> 
> Writing Lup, Julia and Hecuba is quite challenging, considering we don't really have a lot to base on two of them.
> 
> I survive off of kudos and comments. So please keep sending those to me so I can continue this story.


	3. A Train, A Carnival, and Some New Nickname Ideas All Gone Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go to a train, and it all goes wrong.
> 
> They go to a carnival, and it all goes wrong.
> 
> They try to find a nickname for Lucretia, and it all goes wrong.

So apparently Lup gets the credit for his magic, which Taako thinks is bullshit. But he couldn’t let them know, so he let his sister get the praise. So now here they are, in some bunk beds, which Lup actually left some space on the bed for Taako to lay in, sadly he's stuck in a hat, so he can't lay there next to her, no matter how much he wants too. Lup has laid his hat on a bedpost, so he can see her. Taako watches her chest rise and fall, a small reassurance that she's alive and well. He stays like that for a while, when a thought hits him.

  


“Hey, Lup, are you mad at me?” He said. Of course she doesn’t answer, but he continues on.

  


“I mean, I get it, I left and all that jazz… but you have my hat now, and I’m kinda making it obvious that I’m here.” Taako said. He actually stops meditating, instead he paces around inside the room.

  


“Lulu, why aren’t you talking about me?” He said.

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


The train might be the most boring thing there is, thank whatever god’s name Taako forgot he’s following Lup, Julia and Hecuba.

  


The trip is spent either laughing at them, or watching Lup gush at this kid named Angus.

  


“Lup, leave the kid alone.” Hecuba said. Taako agrees with her, but he knows that it’s a lost cause. Angus has wormed his way into Lup’s heart. So they soon solve who done the murder, which is Jenkins, and they get the relic, the Oculus. And of course, Lup does some pretty awesome magic. And now there's some train in that guy's garden, which is good because he's such a jerk, and there's the cops...

  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


They’re now hanging around some carnival, and Taako is enjoying watching his sister and his best friends mess with people. Julia is now dressed as Lup, his sister is some lawyer (Which Taako will state is the scariest costume here) and Hecuba is Jafar.

  


They are all hanging around, Julia holding a plate of pegasus wings and dick. And when they tried a ping pong toss game Lup almost gets the three of them labeled as cheaters for the rest of the night.

  


Something went wrong when the eclipse happened, because of course it did, this was going on like normal. It all started when a deafening shriek happened, and almost everyone falls to the ground. Taako says almost because the Tres Horny Girls are still standing. The eclipse is finally center, and he feels his heart stop once the thousand eyes are seen. ‘Oh my god, oh my god, how are you here?’ He thinks.

  


Once the eclipse is over, the eyes leave. He feels his heart slowly beat again, oh goody.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


Once they’re in Davenport’s office (Yeah, everyone calls him Director, too bad Taako’s not everyone.) they explain what happened when everyone was knocked out. Taako has good enough perspective to notice Davenport’s face go pale and for a split second, his eyes go wide. But apparently through the years, he got good at faking.

  


He sends them away, and as they are about to leave the room, they notice Lucretia sitting at a desk writing into a journal. Julia walks right up to her.

  


“Hi, so I remember you said earlier that you have no name, right?” She said.

  


“Yes, that’s correct.” Lucretia said.

  


“So like… can we give you nicknames?” Julia said.

  


“Pfft, sure.” Is all Lucretia said. And as soon as she did, Lup leans onto the desk, and Taako knows she is about to have a blast. ‘God, this is going to be amazing.’ He thinks.

  


“How abooouuut… Pumpkin Spice? Quillzilla?” Lup said. Taako likes those, but he knows she could do better. Seven out of ten at best.

  


With that, all bets were off for nicknames. Julia have some cute ones like "Toodles" or "Puffball". Hecuba just gave boring ones like "Barbara" and "Roberta". In Taako’s totally not biased opinion, Lup gave the best ones like "Lup 2.0" and "Scribblemaster". It all was going well until…

  


“Delores.” Hecuba said, boring.

  


“Destructor.” Julia said, now that’s better.

  


Then Lup brings her hands up, and in the proudest voice he has ever heard from her, she yells,

  


“Taako!”

  


Taako covers his mouth with his hands, and all eyes are on Lup. But they quickly turn to Davenport when he drops his coffee mug. 

  


“What- what did you say?” He said.

  


“I just said Taako, it was just some random word I thought of.” Lup said. Taako shakes his head.

  


“No you didn’t, that’s my name, Lulu. Stop lying to him.” He said. Of course, nobody hears him.

  


“Oh right, of course, I just thought you insulted our journal keeper in elvish. Now, may you please leave.” Davenport said, and Taako can hear how strained it is. They leave the room, Taako watches, wondering why Lup keeps lying about him.

  


“Hey, Lulu, you know you can tell people about me, I’m not some secret.” He said.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I remember reading this comic by TrainWreckGenerator on the nicknames for Lucretia, and I decided to include that in my story.
> 
> So yeah, Taako's getting a little suspicious, wouldn't you if your twin that you knew your whole life doesn't say a word about you?
> 
> What do you think, did I get the emotions down well?


	4. The Race

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako recounts a memory, and then it's time for a race, and is that Kravitz?

One thing Taako notices is that Lup doesn’t seem to use fire magic anymore. Sure, she does some small flame spell here or there, but other than that, nothing. This worries him because his sister without fire magic is like him without cooking, it’s almost impossible to think about. 

  


He’s once again meditating inside the dark room, her meditating while he watches the outside. He can hear Hecuba snoring under them. Of course, Lup doesn’t stir, all those years surviving on caravans trained them to sleep through some noises, and wake on others.

  


After watching the outside for a while, Taako decides to stop using his willpower to watch outside, and opens his eyes to a dark room, ignoring the way his heart jumps whenever he finds himself facing it. he lays down, and tries to figure out what is going on, and why isn't anyone acting like their normal selves.

  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


_Lup can tell something is up, this is his twin sister after all, and popping a huge favor like asking for the best day ever might cause her to be suspicious. Taako pulls out some Grey Goose because this is going to be fun._

__  


_“Alright, I'm curious now, bro. Why did you want this? I had a blast, don't get me wrong, but I really wanna know." She said. He smiles at her, trying to not let his nerves show. Taako takes his hat off, feeling like it's suffocating his own head._

  


_“Well, Lup, I just wanna say, thanks for ruining the surprise a little. But if you want to know, Kravvy and I are going somewhere, and I want you to come. Don't freak out with what I'm going to tell you!" He said. Lup just raises one of her perfectly manicured eyebrows._

  


_“Kravitz and I are going to become liches, Lup. I told you to not freak out! Hear me out. What we're going to do is take our souls and merge it with our magic, to become something new and really fucking powerful. We'll still be Kravitz and Taako, I'll still be in this amazing body. Unless I die... in which case it'll get a little freaky up here. But when I go all ghosty, later on, I need memories to hold onto. Today is going to be one of them, you can bet on that. Kravitz already gave me a day, and I love him, with everything I have."_

  


_At this point, Taako reaches forward, and takes Lup's hand into his._

  


_“But I needed a day from you because... you are everything to me, sis. You know that, right?" He said._

  


_“Yeah.” She said._

  


_“The only reason why I'm even on this ship is that you pushed me for it, you've been with me our who life. That's something that just can't be broken or forgotten, it's always going to be so important.”_

  


_“Whelp, now I can't give you my three-minute speech on why this is a terrible idea without feeling like an asshole. Yeah, I'll be there.” Lup said._

  


_“Good, because I was going to do it with Krav, with or without you.” Taako said, Lup chuckling as she's used to it, her brother not noticing how forced it is._

  


_Taako starts having second thoughts later that night. Then the memory comes back, him coming to on the ship after a pretty horrible death. He only has a couple of seconds to get his bearings until he's tackled into a hug by Lup, with Kravitz rushing up to him. Both of them look at him with tears flowing down their faces. Taako never wants to see that, nor cause that ever again. No, he cannot back out from this._

____  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


____

Taako is awoken hearing Lup shifting around on her bed. He didn't even realize that he fell into meditation, this one not even for power, just rest. And with a start realizes that meditating feels a lot like how he is right now, no feeling in his body. That, is not normal, definitely for people who are, you know, alive. It takes him a few minutes to feel Lup's hands on his hat. Taako can focus on that fact later, right now, he has a twin sister who needs him.

  


“Nice hair, Lulu.” He said.

  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


They now need to go get Hecuba’s relic, the Gaia Sash, which is now in the hands of some criminal named The Raven, stupidest nickname ever to Taako. So they leave to go to Goldcliff and find the building, which isn’t too hard considering it's covered in flowers.

  


Hecuba decides to get rid of the flowers by flirting with it, disgusting the other three who are there. It gets so bad that Lup uses Taako’s hat by covering her ears and bemoaning about how awful it is, he agrees with her there. They’re just happy that it works and they won’t hear Hecuba’s bed talk. 

  


They then find themselves in a bank after fighting this stupid tree. And for the life of him, Taako cannot comprehend why Lup is wanting to steal the gold in the bank. 

  


“Lup, you cannot be serious. There are police officers waiting for you outside!” He said. He’s not sure if she heard him, or finally remembers where she is, but Lup doesn’t take the gold.

  


Next thing he knows, they are hanging onto a rope, Taako watching this inside the hat, screaming at Lup to blink. They finally decide to climb to the elevator shaft, and of course, Hecuba does amazing. But once Lup does, she accidentally pants Julia, who shrieks as both her pants and Lup start falling. Taako saves his sister by blinking her into the shaft.

  


“Why didn’t you do that earlier?” Julia said.

  


“That was the hat!” Lup said.

  


“Well why didn’t it do that earlier!” She said.

  


“Because I don’t want to solve all of Lup’s problems.” Taako said which nobody hears.

  


The group makes it to the Raven, they fight, and then some woman named Sloane comes in and tells the Raven that she’s not a killer.

  


They go to the medic tent, and Lup spends it eating some fruit while Julia explains what happened in there. They go talk to Sloane, who after Hecuba casts Zone of Truth, tells them who the person is, some partner named Hurley.

  


So they go steal some parts for a battlewagon, and somehow kill a guy. “I don’t know how you guys did that,” Taako said, deciding to ignore the fact that Lup actually killed someone! The three women sneak into someplace and they all leave with said parts. And then they’re in some kind of race. Taako doesn’t care for much of it, but Lup seems to be having a blast, so he guesses she can have that.

  


Then Hurley races off of the cliff, and they join her into some tornado. They find Hurley almost encased in vines, which is pretty sickening, and the three girls try to save her, with little success. Then Sloane grabs the thing they stole, if Taako remembers right is the arcane core, and smashes it on the platform. Immediately, his hat flips over Lup's head and snuffs it up. And the feeling it brings, oh Pan (Dammit, Hecuba!), does it feel good.

Lup tries to use cone of cold, but Taako can do even better, if she wants cone of cold, he'll make it so powerful that the vines heading towards her will shatter before they even hit the ground. His hat flips and slides down her arms, landing in her hands as Lup hangs her umbrastaff on her elbow, and his hat fires. The feeling the arcane core gave him, it reminds him of who he is. And boy, doing the spell so successfully, Taako has almost forgotten just how powerful he can be. It feels great, he feels strong.

Then Sloane saves them from the platform before sacrificing herself to the vines. Taako cannot look away as the two are transformed into a beautiful cherry blossom tree. In front of it, are their two masks and the Gaia sash. Lup walks up to it and grabs it, Taako freaks out when she soon starts putting the sash on. 

  


He’s happy when Julia is actually and literally able to knock some sense into her, and then Hecuba gives some weird brag that’s she's able to have sex with any onion she wants before pocketing the sash.

  


Then the seeker from earlier, Lt. Bain comes in, takes them back to his office. They barely tell him anything, mostly just about Sloane now being a tree and the relic they acquired, and just annoying the man. He then pulls out this strange container, and pours them all a drink as a "toast to Sloane". Hecuba doesn't drink it, Julia is politely trying to decline. Lup on the other hand...

"Hell yeah, free alcohol." She said. Lup brings her glass up in the air as a toast, and that's when Taako realizes that this drink is definitely not something his sister should down if the not alcohol smell and not alcohol color is anything to go by. Using the last of his energy for the day, he causes a mage hand to come out of his hat and hit it out of her hands, the drink smashing all over the floor.

"Okay, if the hat doesn't trust this, I'm not trusting it." Hecuba said. Julia nods, pushing her drink farther away from her where it sits on his desk.

And that's when it all goes downhill, as Hecuba is trying to convince Julia to kill him (Taako doesn't remember that...), Bain starts glowing and freaking out. He then drops to the spot where Lup's drink is now spilling around and starts drinking. Of course, it's poison, and of course, he dies. Taako would feel just a bit sad for the man if it wasn't just revealed that Bain tried to kill his friends, his sister. All he does is flip off the guy's dead body. The girls don't notice because floating behind Bain is...

  


“Kravitz?” Taako said. Julia immediately flips out and tries punching him, and it does nothing, even her sword just fazes right through him. 

  


“Are you not afraid?” Kravitz said. Lup just snorts, and yeah, Taako is expecting that response.

  


Kravitz then shows them a hologram of familiar faces, and Taako has to wonder what his boyfriend is doing because this is definitely new. Not that he doesn't find it hot, but it is confusing.

  


"Gundren Rockseeker. Magic Brian. Jenkins. Sloane. Captain Bain. This is the true nature of man. The want, the hunger. It consumes everything it touches. It can’t be stopped or charmed. It is the end of everything. This is your first lesson." He said.

  


Taako can only stare as Kravitz leaves in flames, and watches as the others shrug and leave, he hides in the hat.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Lup would definitely love the race. Don't lie! And she would try to drink the poison, think about it, without remembering Taako, she would be more reckless.
> 
> Sorry, but I just really want to get that race over with. If any of you want me to write it fully, my bad.
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos, I love those.
> 
> Edit: Cannot believe this, I almost forgot to leave out the arcane core scene. I also added a little more to Bain's death, because I hated how I wrote it before, and fixed any spelling errors. Also changed the memory.


	5. Lucas's Lab Is Horrible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go through Lucas's lab after exploring their own new sweet bedrooms.
> 
> Hecuba loses an arm, Lup still refuses to use fire magic
> 
> Taako is forced to face a horrifying truth.

Sometimes, Taako wonders how Lup would do inside his hat, or maybe her umbrastaff. The conclusion is always the same. She would hate it, his sister has always been more of a fighter head on while he is the type to fight in the distance. Knowing Lup, if she was in his hat, she would fight any chance she could to break out, it’s what she does.

  


And then there are times when Taako wishes he was not the one trapped. Of course, that brings with him feelings of guilt and shame. As much as he hates being trapped and only able to help out his sister at times, he can’t imagine how she would cope, she’s the energetic twin. Everytime he wishes that, it always ends with…

  


“My bad, Lup.”

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------  


Returning to the moonbase was nice, considering that they finally got some recognition. Well, the three girls got recognition, but Taako will take what he can get. Then Avi tells them that Davenport (Sorry, _the Director_ ) wants to see them. So they go to his office, and find him pretty upset. They give him the sash, and watch it get destroyed in some lead ball. Taako doesn’t remember that, although Davenport seems to have added a few tricks up his sleeves.

  


He seems upset, and he is reminded of times they spent together. Julia must have seen that Davenport is upset, because she moves to hug him. He stops her of course, because Taako has to be slapped in the face to remember that this is not the Davenport he spent over a hundred years getting close to.

  


It’s then that Taako sees the portrait of them above the desk, and he can’t help but excitedly point it out to Lup, it takes him a few seconds to realize that she can’t hear him. They try to check out the portrait, but get told off by Davenport. He then asks them what happened, and they tell him. The story gets to Kravitz that Davenport actually sounds shocked.

  


“A what!?” He said.

  


And okay, Taako wasn’t expecting that. They then talk about Kravitz as if they don’t know him, and he doesn’t have anytime to wonder why before Davenport tells them to not go near him, that is met with a very defiant no from him. As if Taako is just going to see his boyfriend again only to try and stay away? Yeah, not happening.

  


Then Davenport talks about a promotion and all the three girls are getting their own apartments, which is so cool. Of course the girls are happy, and then they are told that they now have a new seeker. A familiar voice came out of a stone of farspeech.

  


“Hello, ma’ams.” Angus said.

  


And the whole room exploded…

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------  


Taako is on the floor, because in her rush of excitement, Lup flung the hat off of her head and it landed... on the floor. He sighs exasperated as he watches her run around the apartment in a frenzy. The really cool thing for him is that in the middle of the room is a large window in the floor, and they can watch the world pass by them below. Lup focuses on that for five minutes until she runs further into the apartment.

  


He can’t blame her for the excitement, if you told them as kids that they would have a large, fully furnished apartment of their own, Taako and Lup would have laughed and shot magic missiles at you to chase you away for fucking with them. But here they are, or really, here Lup is as he should think.

  


He continues to watch her, and it takes a full two hours for her to remember about his hat.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------  


Candlenights was a pretty nice holiday, who was he kidding, Taako loves Candlenight! And it just so happens that this place and it’s people are pretty smart and also love the holiday. Everyone is giving gifts to people, and Lup is handing out peppermint cupcakes. Then they find a present for the girls under the tree for the girls, Lup is the only one honest and tells Davenport it’s for their eyes only.

  


Then Davenport gets a call from someone, and walks off. When he comes back, he explains about somebody named Lucas finding the Philosopher’s Stone… his relic. It’s in the hands of some stupid guy that thought he could handle it.

  


Of course, the three are told they have to get it, and they are pretty excited about it. They leave the room, Taako swears he saw Lucretia talking to Anges on the other side of the room.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------  


“I swear, I’m going to scream, Lulu, if you die by falling gondola.” He said. Of course, she doesn’t and lands on the floating lab.

  


They find a forest made of pink tourmaline, and a ton of paths, and now a giant golem made of crystal. This might be the first battle the three had to run from, not that Taako can blame them. They knocked off one of it’s arms, only for it to come back even stronger. So they find themselves in front of two hatches after passing through the airlock.

  


They of course use the elevator, only to find a huge museum full of elevators. Lucas talks about how he worries about living in his grandfather’s shadow, and Lup reassures him that he won’t.

  


Some of the elevators looked either cool or just plain old weird, but the museum is rather nice. They get the the elevator of the future, and Lup runs in before Lucas can even explain what it does, with Taako trying to pull her out of it, oh right, he can’t touch things in this world anymore. Hecuba stays out of it, citing the last time they tried to use an elevator. Then they have to fight some stupid cockroach in the futuristic cave. 

  


“Man, does that thing hate you, Jules.” Lup said.

  


“Don’t… don’t call me that.” She said.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------  


That Hodge Podge robot is really asking to be destroyed. They say that they’re kids at first, but once they answer one question right it changes them to masters, and is now shooting fire. How is this supposed to help teach children again?

  


So they go on answering the questions, even trying to ask Angus at one point until the robot figures it out and cuts off the girls stones of farspeech. It wasn’t until Julia ask who they work for that the thing was finally taken care of.

  


Once the robot is destroyed, their stone of farspeech are working again. This is going to be fun to explain. After they try to calm down Angus, the girls walk further into the lab, only to find another robot by the name of NO-3113, she heals Hecuba and leads them to Lucas’s room. Which Taako has to say if very messy, although his room on the Starblaster was also this messy, so he guesses he can’t complain too much.

  


When they leave to room is when things go from bad to worse. For one, the hallway starts to turn to crystal from some strange ball of light, and they all start running, Lup holds onto his hat, which Taako is happy about, thank you Lup.

  


When they finally get out of harm’s way, there sleeping on the ground is a group of bugbears. They seem polite, and do know about Klarg, seriously Taako has to find someway to ask Lup how she knows Klarg. They allow them through, and the group finds Boyland.

  


The girls pay their respects as Taako jokes about his axe. Hey, they can’t hear him. Then there’s an anti-gravity room, some more monsters are killed, wow they actually won a fight, before finding a door with Carey and Killian on the other side. Lup and Julia immediately try to destroy the ice, except Lup is using a sonic blast spell.

  


“Lup, you could use fire spells, this is literally ice.” Taako said. He hears Hecuba when she calls out to NO-3113, and even freaks out. Hecuba is trying to stay calm, but Taako can see her other arm shaking, the one that’s not turning into crystal. 

  


Julia had to chop off Hecuba’s arm.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------  


They find themselves in the medbay, with Lucas already low on Taako’s respect meter. But he got Hecuba an arm made of soulwood, so he’s got that working for him there. Then Lucas starts explaining about the planar system, and okay, Lup, Julia and Hecuba should know about this. Then all time freezes, and right there, floating there is Kravitz, still a red robe.

  


Julia starts trying to punch it, because that worked out well last time. Taako has to hand it to her determination. Kravitz starts to show them the hunger attacking the planes, the screams from billions of people consumed by its greed resounding in the room. Kravitz seems to want to talk more, when he pauses and points to his hat on top of Lup’s helmet.

  


“Lup, where - where did you get that hat?” He said. Lup doesn’t seem worried at all as she takes the hat off, holding it in her hands.

  


“Took it off some dead chick in a cave.” She said. Taako’s heart stops beating for a couple seconds. He screams out for them to hear.

  


“Hey, Lup, right here, stop calling me a girl.” He said, giving a forced chuckle at the end.

  


“Yeah, like super skeleton dead.” Julia said. 

  


“Guys…”

  


“Yeah, wait did we kill her?” Hecuba said.

  


“You can talk about me.” 

  


“No, she was already dead when we found her.” Julia said.

  


“Why, did you two lovebirds know each other?” Lup said, giving Kravitz a smirk.

  


Kravitz is shuddering, red electricity shooting out, stuttering out something. And Taako wants so much to jump out of this hat and hug his boyfriend, because spending a hundred years with him has taught him the signs of Kravitz about to give a full out panic.

  


“You found him!?” Was the last thing Kravitz said, and then he’s gone.

  


“So, the chick was actually some feminine dude.” Lup said. Taako cannot figure out why they are talking about him as if he doesn’t exist, it’s not like-

  


**The voidfish**

  


Lup wasn’t talking about him because he was some big secret, she actually doesn’t remember him. The others, Kravitz and Davenport being the exception, don’t remember him.

  


He goes silent inside his hat, not acknowledging the others making fun of his death. He stops watching them, stops trying to talk to them. Taako slides down to his knees in the middle of the tiny, dark room, placing his head into his hands.

  


He screams.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------  


He doesn’t react for almost the rest of the quest, not even to question Lup flirting with the GRIM REAPER! Taako just screams, because he realizes the feeling in the pit of his stomach, his heart jumping whenever Lup doesn’t even acknowledge him, was trying to warn him of something.

  


That bastard, Davenport, erased everything about him from Lup’s memories. Apparently erasing the hundred years on the Starblaster was not enough, Davenport had to erase him fully. As far as he knows, Taako is going to stay forgotten. His one true fear has come true.

  


Lup, one of the few people he can trust completely, doesn’t remember anything. Nothing about their childhood on caravans, Taako working extra hard just to get medicine for her, their talk on top of the Starblaster in a new plane, Taako taking Lup along when Kravitz and him decided to become liches, the best day ever.

With a hiccup, Taako ends that train of thought. He listens outside for anything, and after hearing almost nothing, decides to look out. 

  


He realizes they are no longer in any danger once the girls are in their new bedroom suite. He listens from the inside of the hat, no longer having the energy to watch from the dark hat-room. When the lantern from Lucas’s lab starts to say something.

  


_“I saw all of existence, all at once. I saw a dark storm, a living hunger, eating it from within. But I saw a brilliant light heralded by seven birds flying tirelessly from the storm. I saw seven birds:_

__

  


_The Twins, the Conductor, the Protector, the Lonely Journal Thief, the Peacekeeper, and the Nameless One.”_ It’s said.

  


The words echo throughout the night, Taako’s not sure if it’s echoing in his head or in the room.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, so Taako realizes now why Lup doesn't mention him at all.
> 
> Sorry this chapter took so long, my heart just wasn't into it, but I wanted to get it out there before I leave on my trip to NYC.
> 
> Anyways, please leave some kudos and comments, that lets me know to continue this story. And have a nice day.


	6. Refuge, Why Julia?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako watches Lup teach Angus, and gets an idea.
> 
> They go to Refuge, and die all over and over.
> 
> Nice to see you again, Kravitz.

It takes a few months before Taako finally calms down enough to watch the outside. He has missed nothing, other than the fact that the girls are now going to be spending time with someone of their choosing. Julia is training with Carey and Killian, Lup and Angus are practicing with magic, and Hecuba is going to a spa with Davenport. (Fuck him, fuck him, and a double fuck him.)

  


He’s watching Lup as she teaches Angus in the cafeteria. Lup left her umbrastaff at the apartment, so she probably is only going to be teaching him a cantrip today. And he’s right, because his sister states that they are going to be learning about Mage Hand. It goes poorly the first few times, but at one point he was actually able to make a small hand appear. (Of course, it started acting like it has a life of its own, and Lup made Angus stab it with a fork. Taako couldn't stop laughing.)

  


Soon, they have a system where they would meet once a day to learn spells. It was at one of these get togethers that Taako got an idea. Lup has shown that she remembers his name, what if he brought his name up? She would get curious, and might look around, and soon… he would get out!

  


This has to work, he has to make it work. Taako has to get Lup to see his name. But how? The two meet up once more, Taako watching Angus be proud that he learned Produce Flame. Lup learnt that spell when they were twenty and just ran away to get on the road, but hey, whatever floats the kid’s boat. Lup seems excited, especially when Angus brought up a box tied with a ribbon. 

  


Opening it, they see that Angus made some cupcakes for Lup. His sister takes a bite, only to complain that they have no flavor. The kid tells her she should cast a spell to make them taste better. Of course, Lup left her umbrastaff at the dorm, so she shrugs her shoulders and points his hat at the cupcakes. Now, Taako can’t let an opportunity like this pass by.

  


Lup wants Prestidigitation, Taako uses Scorching Ray instead. He watches the box crumble into dust. He doesn't feel too bad, the kid needs to learn to do better anyways. 

  


“You could’ve just told me that they don’t taste good.” He said.

  


“I-I didn’t cast that.” Lup said.

  


But Taako isn’t done. He needs her to see his name again, to try to remember. So he aims for the wall, and the spell continues. The wall now spells-

  


“T A A K O” 

  


Good handwriting for using flames on a wall, if he says so himself. 

  


“Ma’am, can you read what it says?” Angus said. And... that doesn’t make any sense, the kid talked about reading in the library earlier, he should read it.

  


“I don’t know, all I can see it static. Might not be important.” Lup said. 

  


Taako feels his heart plummet, at the same time he wants to kick himself. Why didn’t he factor it in? Like he thought earlier, Lup showed that she remembered his name, in the same room as Davenport. Of course, he would voidfish his name, one less way for Lup and the others to get closer to the truth.

  


He stops watching and listening, Taako spends the rest of the day screaming and cussing out Davenport.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------  


They soon have to go to Boyland’s funeral. Which is embarrassing, considering they don’t know him that well. This is not helped by Hecuba’s groans, and Lup’s jokes, which Taako is surprised, considering that Lup was never one to joke at funerals, that was probably his thing. 

  


They meet up with Davenport, who tells them they have found another relic. This one is Julia’s, the temporal chalice. He explains what it is (You wouldn’t have to if you didn’t erase their memories) and what it’ll do.

  


So they head out to this place called Woven Gulch, something he can’t help but laugh at the joke Lup makes at the name.

  


They go to Fantasy Costco to pick out some summer clothes. He makes comments about each of their clothing choices. They leave, with Hecuba looking like some old grandma.

  


Angus has to launch them, and Lup forgot to pull the brake in time. Taako's hat tumbles along with them.

  


Then they get attacked by purple worms. Yeah, they’re babies, and Lup is trying to attack them. He’s not sure if she recognizes the fact that they’re babies, or she does and doesn’t care. Either way, not like his sister.

  


Of course, Avi tells them as such, Lup and Julia are shocked, so it’s the first option, which is sorta good, he guesses.

  


They get launched out of a cannon, and find an old woman carrying a chalice. 

  


“We did it!” Lup said.

  


That old woman goes super cryptic and now they’re in the town. That might be the second weirdest way Taako has ever gotten in town. They meet Roswell, and are taken to the sheriff. Lup tries to break into the desk, in the sheriff’s office, in front of a witness.

  


And now they’re in jail. Good job, Lup.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------  


They meet the witness in the other cell, named Cassidy, then the ground starts shaking. Some glass is breaking, and a horse is freaking out. Cassidy escapes her cell, and the three girls soon join her outside. They find a bank has exploded, and some super dead people are inside. Roswell is not happy to see them, but they have to get the victims still alive out of the tumbling building. They leave the building, but Roswell doesn’t.

  


Then the clock chimes twelve times. Taako is forced to watch his best friends and sister die.

  


And the old woman taunts, either the three girls, or him, he’s not sure.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------  


They wake up again, Taako with some serious deja vu about the re-dying, and find Roswell again. Lup bluffs her way in, and the three girls find themselves being personally escorted into the office. After being interrogated, they run out to find the ruffians back at it again. Chasing them away, they go inside the bar, and it all goes silent. Lup approaches the bartender, yet it seems the girl knows her.

  


“Oh my god, you’re Lup. From Fire it Up with Lup!” She said. Okay, what is that? Taako has never heard of that. He looks over to his sister, to see her smiling, but he can see the tension in her shoulders.

  


This is weird, Taako doesn’t like this. He used to always know about his sister, so hearing this about her having a show using fire that he has never heard about is quite… unnerving. 

  


They soon have to run out of the bar, Hecuba decides to follow Cassidy, Lup and Julia are going to the bank.

  


Lup is wasting spells like no tomorrow, and Julia is busy hurrying to get as much diamonds as possible. They all die, again. Taako sees the old woman, again. Yeah, they did really bad this time.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------  


They wake up, and soon go to the quarry. They find some bombs. They soon go to some lockers, and Julia opens one with illegible writing, inside was a bomb. All three of them die. Taako cusses inside his hat, which still looks great, considering he made it impervious to water and dust. (And Lup made fun of him for that little spell.)

  


This goes on for a while, until finally they figure it out. Hecuba finds meat and some magical ice, she takes some. They descend in the elevator, until finally they reach a dark room, the only light coming from Julia’s miner hat. They explore it, and are promptly devoured until they are nothing but skeletons.

  


Taako is really getting tired of seeing that old woman. Really Julia, stop cutting the wires. And there’s the culprit, a huge fucking purple worm.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------  


They figure the solution must be to get a god to support them. Or as Taako is able to gather, the three aren’t really explaining things to him as a hat. They go and steal a horse, and find themselves in front of a barn with the ruffians standing right there. A man calls them in, and explains they need to rob a bank. Lup’s okay with it, so is Hecuba. Not Julia though, she tries to talk them out of it, to no avail.

  


So they go to the bank, and Lup has to break Ren’s heart to save her. He can see that she’s upset, even if she’s trying to hide it. Lup is able to get into the bank vault, only to find some journal and some diamonds. With the commotion outside growing louder, his sister reads the journal, and finds Roswell’s command word. 

  


With that, they go to Istus’ temple. After praying, the temple repairs itself and apparently make the three girls her emissaries and gives them gifts. Neato, and then they die by a collapsing temple.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------  


Using Roswell’s command word, they are able to get down the well and find the stupid chalice. It takes them to some shaft and find the old woman and the sheriff. He offers the tres horny girls some cigarettes, and they refuse. Then the conversation really gets heated. Lup uses her gift to smash Julia’s through the bubble. 

  


June speaks up, and soon all three of the girls go rigid. Taako has to check to see if his sister is alive, and oh yeah, they’re alive, if the rabid breathing and tears falling down their cheeks is anything to go by. 

  


“Lup? Lulu, everything’s a-okay out here. You’re okay, sis.” He said, trying to find some way to comfort her, to no avail.

  


They soon snap out of it, and get the chalice, probably really angry at it at this point. He can’t blame them, Taako hates it as well.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------  


After defeating this stupid town, Lup goes back to Ren. After talking with her they finally leave and go to Avi. On the way, they run into Kravitz, still a red robe. Seriously, how many times does this guy die?

  


He asks them if they have the cup, and Julia nods, Kravitz sighs.

  


“You three really don’t trust me, do you?” He said, and they shake their heads. Because of course, after all that time inside the bubble, they probably been through a lot. He watches them for a while, staring at the three girls.

  


“Do you trust me?” He said, and they laugh.

  


His friends, his sister, laughs in Kravitz’s face. This is the damage Davenport has caused, now his own sister, his own friends, don’t trust Kravitz. The same man that made sure they live in so many cycles, and they don’t believe him.

  


Kravitz doesn’t move during their joking and laughing, he just stares at Taako’s hat. Once the three girls finally stop, he finally speaks.

  


“They don’t trust me, Taako.” He said, and his heart breaks. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” And with that, Kravitz is gone.

  


With that, Lup, Julia and Hecuba just shrug and head towards Avi. Taako walks around in his hat. Once he's done watching, he looks down, only to not see his body, he can’t feel his body. If not for Lup, he might have forgotten what he looks like. 

  


Taako wonders if he ever will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nice to see you again, all of you beautiful (and handsome) people.
> 
> So yeah, sorry for taking such a long time updating. My family left to go to NYC, and then once they got back we went on a cleaning spree. 
> 
> So yeah, Davenport voidfished Taako's name. So when Lup and Angus saw his name on the wall, and they got to see was static.
> 
> And I think we can all agree, Taako would definitely make his hat able to withstand some pretty mess making things. 
> 
> Next up: A certain date with death, and a super fun time in Wonderland, yay!


	7. Wonderland is Anything but Wonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup's date with Barry the Grim Reaper is rudely interrupted by an invisible twin brother. And soon the three girls are given a mission.
> 
> They go to Wonderland, and everything is all wrong. Thankfully, Taako gets a visitor he's really pleased to meet.
> 
> What is Kravitz planning?

Apparently, Lup was visited by the grim reaper last night. Taako has no clue how he missed that, maybe he was too busy freaking out about probably staying dead inside a hat forever. Yeah, that’s the only way he could think of. So here he is, watching as Lup starts to make a bowl while at the Chug N Squeeze. The Grim Reaper is already thirty minutes late, strike one. When he finally gets there, he looks like a normal… nerd. With his thick glasses, and…

  


“What the fuck?!” Taako said. Because of this guy’s outfit… is made of blue jeans. Okay, for many crimes against fashion, which Taako is an expert in, that is a definite strike two. Lup doesn’t seem to mind, which Taako has to give kudos for. Lup says hi, and actually calls the reaper a name, Barry. 

  


Well, this Barry shouldn’t be near his sister. Like, okay yeah, Kravitz followed the Raven Queen, but he wasn’t actually taking souls down to the afterlife. What the hell, Lulu?

  


“Lup, I know I said one time that you could make death fall in love with you, but I didn’t mean literally!” He said. She doesn’t react, and spends the time talking with Barry, who Taako notes is a huge dork, seriously he is talking about science and Lup is eating all of it up. At one point, Barry asks something.

  


“I have to ask, Lup, I visited you so many times I know how dangerous it is. Why are you doing it?” Barry said. His sister goes silent, and Taako starts to worry that he missed what she said. Wouldn’t be the first time, considering he’s shocked they’re here.

  


“Because I’m scared no one else will want me.” She said. And that answer causes Taako to once again want to get out of this stupid hat and hug his sister because she should never feel that way about herself. 

  


They move on from that little revelation pretty quickly, before Taako can even begin giving a patent Taaco rant. She gives an analogy involving the bowl she’s making, even after that dick came by and told her to make a vase. She of course just waited for him to turn around before going right back to making the bowl.

  


They soon leave the Chug n Squeeze after finishing their ceramic abominations. Taako has given up on watching them because now they are acting all gushy and gross, all that jazz. It’s when Barry asks if the meeting was a date that things get weird.

  


“I mean, if you want this to be a date, I wouldn’t disagree,” Lup said. They both stare at each other, Barry blushing. Lup then takes off his hat and holds it in her hands, he only has a second to wonder why before she kisses the reaper.

  


“Nice, Lulu,” Taako said. And Barry jumps back, and he’s checking around the area as if to look for something, extending his arm to grab his scythe. He changes from his nerd form to a skeleton. Lup watches this all amazed, Taako in dread.

  


“Lup, there’s something here, I feel something-” Barry said.

  


“Aw, I feel it too!” Lup cuts him off with that though, nice save Lup.

  


“No, not this, there’s some strange thing, I felt it in the Miller’s lab too. It’s dead and powerful, and extremely close. Lup, do you think you’re in possession of a dark spirit, are you a vessel?” Barry said.

  


And just like that, strike three happens. Because Taako only has two suspicions of who that dead and powerful spirit is, and if Kravitz is here than this undead fucker just also threatened him, and Taako is not allowing that.

  
“Sorry, Lup, looks like you gotta find a new boyfriend, preferably one that can make his own body warm up.” He muttered.

  


Taako makes his hat rise up, he’s not controlling Lup, god no, but he is controlling his hat. And Taako points it at Barry, who is now turned from them. He is prepared to strike this man with a scorching ray, when Lup quickly raises the hat to the air, causing the spell to shoot off into the sky.

  


Of course, Barry is puzzled. But that doesn’t excuse his sister for handing his hat over to the literal grim reaper! Taako holds his breath in Barry’s hands. Thankfully, it worked because he doesn’t sense him. Barry leaves while Lup is busy emptying her pockets, trying to look for this ‘strange being’. Okay, no Lup, he is not in the fucking gum!

  


He wants so much to freak out, but seeing his sister float on back to her dorm, Taako decides to do that later, for now, he can have her be all happy and all that gross shit.

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


It took a few months for Davenport to call in the Tres Horny Girls, and explains this new place, called the Wonderland, to the girls. Apparently, this place holds Kravitz’s relic, and also the reason Davenport looks so old. Good to know for Taako. But these three are strong, they can take whatever the world throws at them.

  


Avi sends them out on a sphere, but sadly they land forty feet in the air, Hecuba just glides to the bottom, but then Lup hands Julia his hat to use. And nope, nope nope nope, this hat is for the Taaco twins only. Once Lup lands on the ground after turning into a bird, Taako immediately makes his hat shoot out of Julia’s hands and land gracefully on her head.

  


There’s now a chimera, and wait, did Julia kidnap some two guards?

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


They finally find the building of supposedly Wonderland. Once the sign said they’re names, they walk inside. It’s dark, and as the door, they came through disappears, bright lights flash on. And two elves come onto a walkway. Hecuba and Julia watch in suspicion, Lup is laughing, and Taako is just loving this.

  


Their first trial is some roulette game, simple enough, they just have to give some simple sacrifice. Julia has to give up one of her fingers, Hecuba gives up her night-vision making her eyes appear green now, and Lup is going to be faced with some bad luck later.

  


Alright, so maybe it’s pretty bad. They do get to go into the next room, which is apparent forsake or trust game. Julia chooses to trust, which sucks because the other group chooses to forsake. So now they have to fight Multiplying Regenerating Poisonous Slime and a Multiplying Flying Electrified Direbear… fuck.

  


They are doing so well when Lup turns around after feeling someone tap her shoulders. All Taako sees is some nuts and bolts falling onto the ground, nothing unusual at-

  


He never finishes that thought, because as soon as both of them see it, Lup gets crushed by a fucking washing machine from the ceiling. Taako screams, because who wouldn’t from seeing their favorite twin sister get crushed like that. He immediately tries clawing at some of the curtains, only stopping when Lup gets out from under the machine and defeats the final monster.

  


Hecuba tries healing the party, but the two vogue elves chime in saying that’s against the rules. So his sister is forced to walk around with injuries caused by a falling washing machine.

  


Taako is pissed.

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


They find Cam and try to hide him, of course, this place sucks so Wonderland immediately knows they have the decapitated man and force them to take on his sacrifices. Hecuba has to give up an eye, Julia has to give up ten years of her life, and Lup has to give up some of her vitality. 

  


Then Hecuba apparently has to give up a memory of her’s, an Adamant Spanner, and a… wedding ring? They get through, and learn their lesson from last time, as Lup chooses to forsake, her health too low to get into another fight. They pass, and now the Tres Horny Girls are on some dating show called Heart Attack. Lup isn’t into it, Hecuba just wants it to be over, and Julia wants to bail.

  


That doesn’t happen, and they go on with the show, with the ‘contestant’ being some mannequin. The mannequin seems to enjoy Julia and doesn’t seem to enjoy Lup. This goes on for some time before finally, the show ends. Lup is ranting, which is going to take a while for her to stop, not that he wants her too.

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


That was a nice answer from Julia, but if she could stop staring at nothing in the air then he would be so happy, they get a draw because Lup’s spell on the ‘contestant’ is so fucked up even Edward and Lydia are disturbed. So they move on, after seeing what Lup’s forsake has done to the other group they met earlier. Lup actually starts to tear up a little, and Taako vows to burn one of the liches to death.

  


Then they get a bonus round.

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


So they can’t do the escape game because Davenport and Cam already did that one. Okay, that doesn’t really sound like Davenport to betray somebody to die, but then he did betray all of them, so nevermind.

  


That leaves the recovery game and the healing game. They all choose the recovery game. Thankfully Julia and Hecuba give some of their vitality to Lup, so now she has a chance the next time they get into a fight.

  


And now it’s time for a round of wheel of sacrifice, fucking yay.

  


Out of all the sacrifices, Taako is most upset about Lup sacrificing her looks. He grew up with being able to glance at her and see himself a little. It’s like looking in your favorite mirror and it’s all wrong, he hates it. He’s so glad when she puts Disguise Self on and goes back to her normal self.

  


Julia chose to trust, so did the other group. Fuck yes! Suck on it, you two freaks!

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


They soon have to fight their previous enemies, so it seems. He has no clue who this Brian is, but whatever.

  


It takes a few turns of the mannequins changing for Cam to join in the fight, while all this is happening, Taako notices a few everyday furniture is showing up out of the blue.

  


“What the hell?” He mutters.

  


He continues to watch the furniture form, now a guillotine and a potted plant showed up. Taako has to stop though as soon Lup transforms herself into a huge and terrifying t-rex, terrifying unless you see it still holding her umbrastaff while wearing his hat. Of course, she demolishes the current enemy, and the new one forms to be a purple worm. Bullshit, they never killed one.

  


It took a few minutes until finally, they see a door in the corner of the room. They run out after using their code word. Thankfully, they all escape. They all appear on some catwalk, Lup owns it, and the other two tries.

  


Soon, the mannequins come towards them as if trying to grab them as Edward and Lydia start talking, but Julia acts weird. She talks about how they should be happy to be here, maybe they should stay, and a part of Taako’s brain is trying to tell him something. Lup steps forward, and before he can do anything, she goes comatose.

  


He stops watching.

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


Taako is pacing around the room, desperately trying to rip the curtains down and find a way out. But all he finds is more curtains, and he can feel tears of frustration prick his eyes, but damn he refuses to let them fall. 

  


He’s panicking, and some small part of him is trying to tell him to calm down. Lup is awake and breathing and alive, but Taako refuses to hear it. It could be a lie, just like this whole damn place is a lie. Yeah, after he calms down he’ll find his twin sister died in a pool of blood. And that mental image just fills him with even more panic. 

  


The sounds of a fight outside are barely registered. Taako just runs to another part of the small pitch black room to try pulling on those curtains. Beads of sweat are on his forehead as he continues to pull on a new set of curtains.

  


When he feels Lup land on the ground and go unconscious, he pulls even harder. Taako has to pause to catch his breath when he hears a thud behind him. He turns, and getting up on her knees, is Lydia. 

  


“W-who are you? What is this place?” She said.

  


He wipes the sweat off of his forehead and puts on a lazy grin as he rests a hand on his cocked hip, pretty good acting for someone who wants to kill this woman if Taako says so himself.

  


“Are you the one who’s been hurting my sister out there?” Taako said. He already knows the answer, but he’s kinda curious about her reaction. He is royally disappointed as she doesn’t seem to hear him.

  


“Are we? Where are we?” Lydia said. She turns around and promptly gets a punch in the face. She falls to the ground and looks up to him, and gasps. The look of extreme murder on his face must be obvious. Taako holds a hand out in front of him, and it starts glowing.

  


“Abracu-fuck-you!” He screams, and Taako hits her with scorching ray. Multiple times.

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


Edward’s scream as he watched his sister disintegrate in front of them all was very satisfying. But apparently, he got the last laugh when he destroyed Julia’s body, which Kravitz points out to them, thankfully he left behind her stuff. Julia looks through her stuff to find her small fish Steven, and she pockets her stuff and the Animus Bell. They all stand around to find Wonderland is now disappearing. They are now in the middle of a clearing, surrounded by all the other survivors.

  


All three of them go and talk with Kravitz, who leads them through the Felicity Woods, while Julia seems out of it. Wait, she is a mannequin. Kravitz soon stops, and holds out his hand, making a fake stone of farspeech appear in it. The Tres Horny Girls get the idea and hand their’s to him, and he proceeds to destroy them.

  


“Fuck yeah, we’re going rogue!” Lup said. She then rips all her credit cards.

  


The sound of thunderclaps through the sky and all of them look to the air, but it’s not a typical storm. Taako can feel his heart thump painfully in his chest.

  


The Hunger is coming.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, long time no see, my bad.
> 
> I hope you really enjoy this little chapter, I sure did, and I know you guys would too. A little protective Taako makes everyone's day, don't you think?
> 
> Now, what is Kravitz's planning? Oh, who am I kidding, you guys probably know...


	8. Let's Break Into the Bureau of Balance!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Tres Horny Girls get a new ally.
> 
> They sneak Kravitz into the B.O.B.
> 
> Good luck, Davenport.

Kravitz apparently planned for all this, if his secret cave hiding a pod with a new body of his is any indication. So they are standing around a large pod full of green slime and his boyfriend’s body, where Kravitz as a red robe just went inside.

  


Once he comes out, the three girls immediately turn around to give him some privacy. Except for Taako of course, he’s admiring the view. (Note to self, get alone time with Krav after all is done.) His boyfriend doesn’t remember anything and starts to freak out thinking he brought the Tres Horny Girls to his home after a night of partying. 

  


¨If you do, then we have to talk, Kravy.¨ Taako said.

  


They reassure him that is not the case, and still looking everywhere but at him, hand him his clothes. Even after ten years, he’s still dressed as if he’s going to a fancy party. Afterwards, they tell him about the bird skull in his pocket that should help him.

  


Hearing his plan, Taako can help but blush at how past-Kravitz talks about him, like jeez, please don’t say anything, Lup. The plan is to take down the Bureau of Balance, Hecuba and Julia jump for it. Not Lup, who states she has no reason the suspect the organization, even going so far as talking about not trusting anybody. That is until Julia explains that she has been getting her memories back, no doubt because she’s kinda dead at this point. But it’s basic memories even Taako has, like a sky with two suns and is purple. Lup and Hecuba only hear static though, so great.

  


Lup finally joins in, and they all head out with Kravitz inside Lup’s pocket spa. He could have that, but no, Taako has to get screwed over and be stuck inside a hat that’s dark and moody. They call down a sphere to get them transported to the base. While inside, Lup puts on a Band of Telepathic Thought, saying it’s so she can talk with Julia. And that’s when Taako gets an idea, he needs Lup to be on Kravitz’s side, and this is a good chance as many.

  


“Trust Kravitz. Love Kravitz. Lup, it’s me, it’s Taako, it’s me, trust Kravitz.” Taako said.

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


They make it back to the hanger, where Avi is waiting for the three girls. He, of course, asks where Julia is, and they tell him that Julia died. She hanged out with Carey and Killian a lot, so once they ask them where she is, Carey breaks down in grief. Taako actually feels kinda bad for them, they all leave. The only ones in the room now are the Tres Horny Girls (With Kravitz hiding in Lup’s pocket spa.) and Lucretia standing there with the ball to destroy the Animus Bell.

  


Julia destroys the Animus Bell, Lucretia trying to not glance at her new mannequin body named ‘Woody’. 

  


They all leave and head to Fantasy Costco. Garfield the Deals Warlock is leaving, both because the apocalypse is coming and Lup beat him in a match of wits or something. It takes Lup trading in the Freezing Venomous Hissing Axe of Death. Unknown to Garfield, his sister put a spell on it to summon it later.

  


He cackles at this, soon Garfield leaves with all his inventory, handing Lup a key to get to the back. They head to it, and find Julia a new body, inside another regeneration pod.

  


“What the fuck?! Is this some new fad I missed out on?” Taako said. Seriously, he has already seen two today, this is too many pods. They have to leave Julia behind so once she dies she can get into her clone body. They have to separate. Taako wishes for Julia to be safe.

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


They enter Davenport’s chambers to find Angus and who else, Davenport inside. The dwarf-man is upset about Julia’s ‘death’ but is excited about something else. They don’t know how, but Hecuba is able to convince the two others to get out of the room so they can have a ‘moment of remorse’. How did he fall for that? Seriously, how did Davenport fall for that?

  


Both he and Angus leave, which means the two girls and Kravitz are left in the room, so they try to open the door that Kravitz points out… by kicking it. Of course, Davenport isn’t going to hide some big secret behind some kickable doors, so Lup gets injured by this, then she opens the door, with a facepalm from her brother. 

  


It turns out that Davenport had set some illusion spells to ward off potential intruders if both of the girls collapsing on the floor is any indication. Lup must have figured it out because she soon gets up and even helps Hecuba out of her illusions as well. They almost get caught by the alarm, but Lup trained Angus well in magic if the Silence spell is any indication. The kid tries to use Zone of Truth on them, but it doesn’t work on Lup nor Hecuba. It did on Kravitz though, so great, thanks, babe.

  


Kravitz climbs out of the bag, and Lup allows Hecuba to use the Zone of Truth on her so she can tell Angus everything. The kid is, of course, worrying at first, but he sides with them in the end because he’s a genius.They find themselves in front of a door with a keypad, Hecuba tries using the Nitpicker on the keypad, only for it to cuss her out because there are no locks for it to pick at. Lup finally makes a hole appear in the door, and they get through.

  


Inside the room, Taako sees a small baby voidfish, kinda like how they found Fisher. It has a bell on top of it, one that he’s not sure what’s it’s supposed to do. Kravitz’s little bird skull thingy then speaks up to talk to them, or at least try, they didn’t drink the voidfish’s ichor yet, so most of them, minus a specific one, only hear static. This would already annoy Taako, but every time they hear static, the alarm bell lets out a loud chime. And not just some any loud chime… oh no, it’s one that makes your ears ring for a long time after you hear it.

  


Lup scoops some of the ichor up in a flask and drinks some, not hearing her brother cheering inside the Umbrahat. She passes the flask to Angus, Hecuba, and Kravitz for them to drink as well. Kravitz collapses on the ground, probably because he kept gaining his memories only to lose them over and over. Kravitz warns them not to try to remember too quickly, as it won’t lead to any good. Taako is not some simple idiot wizard, he can tell exactly what his boyfriend is saying.

  


They don’t have time to dwell on that though, as guards flood the room and soon drag all four of them out to be seen by Davenport. Once they are taken to the room that Davenport is residing in, Kravitz breaks away from the others to charge at the gnome, only being stopped by Lucretia. They fought for a few seconds, Taako would never believe he would see the day where Kravitz is willingly fighting Lucy herself, but here it is.

  


When Lup and Hecuba wince while holding their heads is when Davenport learns why they went into the room. When he asks why they did that, they only respond back ‘because we can.’

  


Kravitz begs Davenport to just tell them after giving a silent command to Lucretia to drink the ichor, or else the girls minds will shatter. And Taako swears to every god that is still listening, if Davenport causes Lup’s mind to shatter, he will find a way out of this hat and kill the gnome himself, consequences are damned.

  


And so Davenport tells them everything. How they were the ones who made the grand relics, the Hunger, Fisher, and then he talks about how he needed to stop them from going through with Lucy’s plan, so Davenport made them forget everything. He tried to save this plane so all of them can be happy and finally live in peace. Except for one…

  


He looks to Lup and Kravitz, and Taako can feel his heart seize as he realizes what’s happening, not sure if it’s joy or fear at finally being remembered.

  


“Lup, Kravitz… I’m so sorry about Taako. I tried looking for him, but I couldn’t find him anywhere.” He said.

  


Lup jolts as if she got electrocuted, and falls to her knees. She reaches a shaking hand up before plucking his hat off her head. She stares at the hat, and Taako stares at her back.

  


“Davenport, what have you done?” Lucretia said, the flask falling out of her hand.

  


The door to the room bursts open, with team Sweet Flips and Julia coming in. And right behind them, is the Hunger. Everyone gasps, Carey and Killian are quick to shut the doors. 

  


It’s the end of the world, again.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for, Lup finally remembers!
> 
> Boy, this chapter was hard to write, but I hope the wait made it worth it. =w=
> 
> I won't be doing the whole Stolen Century arc, but if you really wanna read a fanfic involving Kravitz and Taako's budding relationship in this au during these times, I would definitely recommend you read [those afternoons and evenings](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12075888/chapters/27358914) by Mildlydiscouraging, it truly is amazing.

**Author's Note:**

> Everybody, welcome to Tazswap, or Tres Horney Girls AU, whatever you get the idea.
> 
> This awesome AU  is by Trainwreckgenerator over on Tumblr. So go ahead and bother them for more information. (After reading through their Tumblr page of course.)
> 
> And trust me, there's more.


End file.
